Monday, 10 November 2014

Blogging through the alphabet {Totally Useless, Very Willing.... and some eXtremely lovely Yarni-ness}

I was watching a film with my hubby recently, which included a scene in a psychiatric hospital. I looked at the patients all sitting quietly - some doing jigsaws, some drawing, some just sitting quietly.

Do you know what thought crossed my mind?

"I would LOVE to be sitting quietly like that, reading or doing a jigsaw"!!!

Yes, my life is so hectic, that a scene in a psychiatric ward appealed to me.

If you are mother of small children, this concept will not be lost on  you.

I hope I am not the only one that thinks that way, anyway!?!

So, back to blogging through the alphabet.

I was doing SO well to begin with.  I kept up, in ways beyond I could have imagined.  Then, reality struck.  I ended up having a week that found me unable to join in with the letter of that week.  I managed to do a nifty little "squish two letters together" week, the next week.

Then, it happened again. This time I needed to merge THREE letters together.  Wonderful as they were, and one of my most precious posts, but still a reminder to ME of how useless I am.

Today, we hit the ultimate catch up. FOUR weeks of catch up, to be precise.

I sigh at myself, and shake my head in despair.

More than that, I look deeper into my life and see myself over and over - I start things, and I am USELESS at keeping up.  It's a character flaw for sure.  You see, I am so very willing to take things on.  I see something, and know I will love it - I see the benefits it will have.  I despair at myself, however, at how incredibly awesome I am at failing.

People often comment about how I am a "Super Mum", and other such nonsense.  I know the real me, and there's not a lot "super" about it. I just see the things that are far from perfect, and how much room there is for improvement.

I guess people just compare me to their own situation, or their own perceptions of life and how simple, or not, it should be, and reckon that what I do exceeds their own limits?

There is one thing that drags me up from the gutter of despair, as I look at my useless ability to set out what I plan to do.

God's perspective.

What I am expecting from myself is PERFECTION. I want to do things perfectly, and completely.  I am learning that I am not perfect, and never will be.

We are reminded that we are to GROW in grace. It's not something that instantly and entirely transforms us from sinner to "saint".

I've learnt that much of my feelings of failure, in life, come from trying to please others, and not God. I worry, more than most people imagine, about what other people may think. Weirdly, not in major issues - those I feel quite comfortable in. It's the insignificant little things.... the "what if someone sees", "what if someone thinks I am useless", "what if someone thinks I look silly"?

What matters most is HOW I do something.  Did I begin something, doing it "heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men?".

"Whatesoever ye do, do all to the glory of God".

Was my aim to glorify God in the doing of it, not the COMPLETING of it? Beginning something, and not completing it, doesn't make me a failure.  It means that something has come up, which I hadn't envisaged, and has prevented me from doing it in the time or manner I had planned. God's plans are higher than mine.  If He has planned that something interrupts MY plans, and I can't do it the way *I* thought was best, then my way WASN'T best!!!

Learning, always learning. Learning more about myself.  Learning more about God and His grace.

And simply because I am at least consistently useless, and I have missed more letters, lets just finish on a high note!

It's kinda related, though. I started off sharing some of my crochet creations with you, and haven't kept up with it. That's not to say I haven't still been creating crocheted loveliness.  I have.  I am still loving being able to pick up my hook and make things both beautiful and useful.  It's a great hobby.  So, I shall share one of my recent, lovely, yarny creations with you, and endeavour to catch up with sharing others I have made.... at some point.  *aherm*

I give you one of the least favourite items I have made.  Well, I didn't really enjoy making it, for most of the time.  Does that sound weird? It's a shawl, and for a good part of it you only use SC/DC (US/UK terms).  Lots, and lots, of DC. Little, tiny, fiddly, DC FLO (front loop only). It seemed to take AGES to grow. The only break in the monotony was the variation between the stunning yarn from Unbelieva-wool (find her here on Facebook - FANTASTIC yarn dyer), in her "Sunset Boulevard" colour-way - it's stunning, as yo will see in a mo.  I also used the end of a purple gradient from Sam, too - alternating between the two. EVENTUALLY, I got to the border, and it got a little more interesting.  I still wasn't falling in love with the thing, and was just desperate to get it finished. Then, I locked it.  Suddenly, I decided this thing was GORGEOUS.

You wanna see?....

I rarely make myself anything with my crochet, but THIS one I decided to keep! It just looks stunning with the bright colours, and it looks just like a sunset! I have never had so many comments about something I have made, as I did when I wore this to Church last week! The chilly weather reappearing was the perfect time to wear it.

If you want to make one for yourself, you can find the pattern on Ravelry - it's called "Desperately Seeking Shallow".  You will need sock weight/fingering weight yarn, and a size 4 hook. Also, a lot of patience.  The pattern is particularly versatile, and even allows for some fluffed stitches - especially forgiving in the border.  You can make a deeper border, but you will need quite a bit more yarn, as it's a hungry pattern.  I probably used about 120g for mine.  You will also need to follow the instructions carefully regarding the stitch marker at the end of the rows, or else you won't get a nice, flat edge.  I learnt that the hard way, and had to frog quite a bit to get it right. Another bonus - it's FREE!

So, there we have it.  6 letters in one post.  Let's see if I can get the Z at the right time!?

(Editing to add that I haven't, but I must get this one published, and get a "Z" added!!!)

1 comment :

  1. Hahaha! I totally can relate to watching some peaceful time to myself. That's awesome that you crochet. I just start it last week. I know nothing. I see why you kept the scarf you made. It's beautiful.